Transactional Relationships, Inc.
I was thinking about a conversation I was having with a former co-worker (and still a friend of mine). Not sure why this came to mind. A subconcious bubble up for some reason.
His point to me many years ago was that he saw too many people engaged in Transactional Relationships. No real caring or concern for the other person.His point resonated with me then and still does. I respected his opinions and views on the world before I even really knew him, so it was an EF Hutton type moment.
I will take it a step further and say that what he was getting at was that with many of us, its our brand. A “Brand Recognition” that precedes us. Those with only a sale, lead, meeting, solution….in mind. Whether the person is in a sales role or not. I never wanted this impression of people about me; actually a reason I avoided sales jobs and business development, even though I always had that as part of a roll professionally.
I’m not being naive that all relationships can(or even should) start without some level of transaction being sought. Time constraints, goals, external pressure; and simply that we may not have any interest at all in the other person beyond the transaction.
We seek a friend, a business lead, help with a challenge, protection, respite from loneliness…..whatever. All transactions (something is sought from someone else without any commitment for anything else besides that one pursuit in front of us). So again, I am not naive that things begin in this fashion mostly.
It’s more the manner, approach, and response we have if we don’t “get” something out of it. Placing a valuation and decision to go any further if you don’t get what you want. That is what I am getting at here. And when do you start? Always easier and more fruitful to seek before you need. Also leads to better choices and higher level of benefit. After all, you may have to take anything if you are starving and just have to pay rent.
We are all mostly guilty of starting with this transaction pursuit in mind. This versus constantly just looking around in the world and seeing who is in it and what’s happening. Most of us do not operate on a program of getting to know people as a constant action. This is by the way, really fun and interesting.
The vacancy of seeking a transaction with everyone you choose to engage in some way just sucks in my opinion. I also think it probably works to short circuit and shorten many parts of your life. And for what?
For many years, and my buddy’s comments resonated a few years back because I was in the process of making the real shift completely away from transactions. I was making this shift because it was vacant and did not make me feel good, was a waste of time, and just pisses people off. That was enough to stop it as a mode of operations. I was guilty. And I still I fall into being the CEO of Transactional Relationship, Inc.
To the best I can, I do try to start with getting to know someone before I ask for something from them. And I try to give them some value along the way. I have come to love just trying to help someone out. May be age.
Mind you. I am still a “Hunter” and a “Finder.” I am promoter of Chad, Inc. And I have a large ego. I like to compete and win and best situations. I keep score. And periodically can hold a grudge or turn someone into a nemesis for no reason other than a short jolt of fire. But, I enjoy the opposite of all of these much more; parter, collaborator, sharer of credit, builder of relationships, and not licensing and giving ownership space in my head for any negative purpose to anyone.
I try to reverse the course of purely transactional pursuits of me also. I don’t like to be sold or bought either.
This is all imperfect. And there will always be transactional approaches between people to move the ball in some way.
And, even when you start transactionally, there is always an opportunity to decide you like someone and enjoy being around them. You may never pursue anything from them further. You may just decide you like hanging out with them.
It is worth your time, to try and be different.