My 9–11

I was in bed in Las Cruces, NM. Mountain Standard Time. I was unusally sleeping in on a school day. I was, what I had planned to be, my last semester of college, and I was carrying a huge load trying to finish up . My brother woke me up. I had the local news talk radio station and had heard some vague stories that I could not comprehend at all yet. Bryan’s voice broke through on my old cordless phone handset. I did not have a cell phone yet. He said, I just wanted to let you know that I am alright.

What are you talking about, I said?

You have not heard? What? I am still in bed. No classes until 10 and no need to be up yet. Have not heard anything other a fire in New York. He then proceeded to tell me that two planes had flown into the Twin Towers, and there had been action at the Pentagon — but was not yet known. He used to drive by the Pentagon going to work at Arthur Anderson in Crystal City, VA from where he lived in Maryland at the time. He had over slept that morning. I am pretty sure I broke into a rage and rant on the phone with him.

I turned on the TV. I was very aware of what was going on, yet confused. I was saddened and enraged. I broke into tears thinking about my dad, who had taken his life just a few months before. I was glad he was not alive to see this.

I recalled the USS Cole Bombing.

I remembered the suicide bombing of Kobar Towers that had happened in Saudi Arabia a year before I had deployed to the country when I was in the Army.

I recalled the threats I read about in the intel reports I was privied to even as a lowly E3, Private First Class in 1997. I recalled the courses I had taken on the Middle East and North Africa while sitting in Saudi Arabia (I thought I should know where I was and what some of the issues and challenges were). I thought about if I had re-enlisted in 98/99 I would surely be going off to a theatre near where this originated.

I recalled what I had learned in my political theory class and comparative politics classes in my one semester at the University of Montana. I thought about Benajmin Barber’s Jihad v. McWorld that I had read and weaved into a report I had written on Huxley’s Brave New World. Why had I not stayed there to continue on with my poilitical science studies? What could I have learned more of to understand this better?

I had no desire to be in my little cottage, so I biked over to Breland Hall at NMSU (New Mexico State University). I went to the GIS lab where I was sure my friends would be. We talked about it. Divergent view points for sure. At this time there were not a lot of vets running around playing student like me. The viewpoints around me were much in the way of we (the US) brought it to us. My viewpoint had immediately gone to a terroist attack originated from the Middle East; no doubt or question. One friend of mine chimmed in and said “they always wanted those towers”, reminding us that there had been a basement bombing in 93'. Many of us feared the response coming, yet also had a sense retribution was at least an obligation so the world went on notice not to fuck with us.

I don’t recall if classes were held that day. I went to none at least. Sitting at NMSU we were isolated, at least it felt like we were. But we were also extremely close to major US assets at White Sands Missle Range in New Mexico, Ft. Bliss, TX ( my former duty station) and Hollman Airforce Base (where the Stealth Bomber calls home). Certainly these installations would be called upon and could also be targets.

NMSU also had a tremendous number of students from the Middle East; mostly graduate students in engineering, mathematics, and hard science. I knew several and lived near many. I thought about them and the reaction and hatred they may face. I was concerned about them and their safety. I don’t recall an outbreak of anti Middle Eastern or Muslim sentiment or retaliation, but we certainly had heard things were happening and there was harassment occurring.

At the time I was dating a woman who lived in Juarez, Mexico. Would I have issues seeing her? As it were I did. The border crossings were a mess for months.

I had formed a company and my partners and I were awaiting confirmation by the Village of Hatch for a contract with them. We were shortly after. That Village did it’s best to keep business going.

Eventually things returned to somewhat as they had been. There were no riots or mobs at the apartment complexes where many of the Middle Eastern students lived near me; thankfully. I did some traveling as I wrapped up school. I was flunking experimental statistics so I ended not graduating that semester. I never got recalled into active service, as I feared I might (patriotic yes, but I had served enlistment and was ready for a new part of my life).

I was conflicted on what I thought the response should be. I was skeptical of going into Afghanistan. Much more of a wider issue at hand, the more I learned. Links in many places, not just one.

I was narrowly focused on myself at the time given the stage of life I was at (had left the military honorably to pursue my education and career)— my thought was the best I could truly do was to live a well lived life to honor my country and those who lost their lives (I thought my Dad would be good with that).

Twenty years later. I’m a dad (my son just turned 10). A business owner. Have succeeded and failed at a lot of stuff. Fairly happy with choices I’ve made.

I don’t see a shaping in my life from this event. Like everyone, I experienced it. It had impacts on my life at the time. Mostly those faded-certainly not TSA given my frequency of travel. I wonder what liberties may have been reduced.

Mostly, I wonder, are we going to experience another event. I didn’t see the steps taken hardened the US. Unity? Don’t see that either. But those are also huge goals and it’s not realistic to think that one event one galvanize this long. After all, how unified were we 20-years after World War II.

I do believe though that we all owe those who lost their lives in 911 or it’s aftermath a well lived life. And we owe an attempt to not be senselessly divided, hostile to each other, and generally uncivil.