Don’t Mistake Calm for Dis-engaged and Aloof
Ever been in a room with the escalator, aka, the Provocateur. The person who is always the challenger or the “devils advocate”? This is the person who often states “just being honest” or “just calling it out” or explaining that it’s their duty to challenge everyone. Duty to challenge every assumption and go to the worse case as a default.
Then there is the Calm One.
The Calm One may be silent until spoken to (this could be seen as a weakness). They may be actively engaged with the Provocateur (not tit for tat, but engaged, and even willing to spare a little on some points). Either way the Provocateur often views the Calm one as aloof, or soft, or dis-engaged. After all if you aren’t loosing your mind and going to the worse case on every detail you must not care!?
The Calm One may even see some value in the concerns of the Provocateur and advise a change may be needed to address an issue they point out. “Let’s try it your way says to Calm One to the Provocateur.” Provocateur then retorts, “well you’re the expert. You tell us!”
At this point the Provocateur may be reaching a conclusion that the Calm One is not on the same page with them (may the wrong expert), and the Calm One feeling the Provocateur is a bit of a jerk, and will be a challenge to work with.
Is the Provocateur simply good at risk analysis and mitigation planning or are they overly nervous, lacking in confidence that they have the skills to overcome some challenges (forseen or not) in a hot moment. Is the Calm one overly confident, and slightly dis-engaged enough to not hit the panic button as a default.
Likely there is a little bit of all of this in both. And it’s an over simplification to only show two archetypes here, but it’ a means to highlight a constant communication challenge.
People do not come with instruction manuals. Neither do situations. You have to figure them out. If you tend to fall into more of the Provocateur type or the Calm One type, well, you may need to train yourself that the other may be a little right in their outlook (because there are massively beneficial qualities in both when played well). You may need to adopt some additional types of thinking, at least to work with each other.
